My life as me ^^ ...

Yea, that's a little something I've done in school when I'm bored.. sorta happy with the way it turned out.. nothing too badly failed.. except for the curvy lines, but who cares :P

Okj now back to the point, which was my life as me.. a few years back..

Okay so, I've always been a bit of an outsider, never really fit in anywhere, so bullying has been a huge part of my life, all my life. I guess that's why it didn't hit me at first that this last ''session'' was to be way different from the previous ones.

I had just started at a new school since i changed from 6th grade to 7th, meaning I also had to switch school. I found a few people that seemed okay, so I wasn't alone during lessons or anything.
During a ''Minicamp'' the 7th graders always go on after 2 weeks of school to get to know people from outside their own classes etcetc. I met 2 of my closest friends (1 I had already gotten to know a bit in school); Isse (who slept under the table with me cause we were scared :P) and Jonna (sat next to her on the way back from campy.. laughed like mad all the time :P) annnddd Axe (best classmate there is :P always blabering about random unimportant crazy stuff :D). So i did have 3 close friends, and then some people from my class who shall be called ''they''..

So, before the camp I had really got sorta settled in class, found my place amongst the ''smart'' ones who always get straight 10's in everything.. even though I don't exactly get 10's in all subjects. Sooo I had heard about my grades before, and this was no different. People were jealous I guess, so they made fun of me cause of my grades; I didn't pay attention to it.

Things started getting worse when me and ''them'' were in art-class.. we were sending small notes with questions to each other. I, for example, said I'd had a few crushes, but nothing more serious than that. I really hadn't been searching for love in any way. Well, apparently I should have said ''ofc im dating 10 people each year'' to be 'normal' or something, but I was being true to the people I thought were my friends.

Then, the notes changed to the kind I wasn't allowed to read.. like, ''them'' and a few guys who sat in the same table as me were reading and writing on them, making sure I didn't see anything..  then all of a sudden the girls left the table and went to another one, leaving me and the guys in the 1st table.. then they'd come by and ask ''so Jenny, how's it goign with the guys..???'' and I admit, I was at the edge of tears at one point..

And what happened after this incident, people come up to me asking if I'm homosexual, I say ''eh, nope.. where'd you come up with that?''.. the person asking would say ''oh okay..''.. then people would ask me ''are you bisexual then?''. *sigh* I admit, I didn't even know what bisexual meant, so I'd say ''ehh.. I don't know..?''. That answer is, I think, the reason I got the label 'Lesbian'.. all because I:

1.  didn't have a boyfriend 
2.  didn't know what 'bisexual' meant
3.  listened to t.A.T.u. (I was CRAZY about them.. sigh.. *still am :D)

 Soo.. during 7th grade I was being attacked from all sides with looks and whispers. What really pissed me off was that not only was I getting the looks and stuff, but my few and wonderful friends too.. (I'm sorry for that btw).. Even the one person who had been in the same school as me before 7th didn't ''stand up for me''.. she was one of ''them''.. Also, people (at least a girl on my class) had tried to convince Axe into leaving me.. like, she wanted my firend to leave me because she didn't like me.. *sigh* buuut she didn't manage :) annddd Axe still remains my best buddy ^^

I quickly realized people were trying to drive me insane, not even trying to keep their opinions to themselves.. they were openly discussed on toilet doors :S nice to read :S 

Sometimes there would be something that wasn't listed on the doors that people would ask me about, and I'd look like this ''??? wha?'' just because all those rumours (like to call them that :P) were really weird.. I mean, sure, feel free to think what you want, but people could've at least taken effort to try get to know me before sending out stuff like that. 

I was coping with the talks for quite sometime, until:

a guy on my class came and asked Axe ''do you love Jenny'', she of course knew the thought behind his question and said ''no'', that made the person asking go like ''oh I'm so sorry, i didn't mean to ruin your relationship''.. GRRRR!!! We're friends for the sake of God!! Guess people always have to twist tales to make them more interesting..?

All this went on for over a year, and i still feel that some people haven't quite managed to see past those, and still think I'm the same person as the rumours told.. which I'm not.. *sigh*

I really felt abandoned even though I had my small group of friends. Even thought of suicide.. more than once.. cutting myself was something I considered, also jumping of a bridge into the ocean or onto a motorway was a possibility.. I just didn't see the point in my life. Then I finally decided to do something about it and told a teacher who told the principal who then spoke to ''them'' one by one.. only ONE of ''them'' apologized.. the rest of ''them''; didn't say a thing..
But the name-calling stopped - at least I haven't heard any more of it, and I've gotten my life back thanks to Vishu, my amazingly wonderful and perfect boyfriend. Sooo my point is that whatever people say, just stay around the people you love and care for. They will, no matter what, always stay with you and take your side ^^

First of all, now im in the 9th grade, back when all this started I was in the 7th.. so it's been a while, and it's still not leaving my mind.. Hopefully I'll one day be able to look back at it smiling, but as for now.. the memory mostly brings tears.. I'm just happy and grateful to God for saving me and hearing me when I most needed Him. And I try not to feel mad at ''them'' but it's still hard.. knowing that they almost ended my life..

BUT I'm here :) so no hard feelings ^^

And as I warned, this was a LOOOONNGG post, I'm happy if you read all of it :)

Nowww... byeeee :D